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Common struggle with woman who are unhappy with their bodies is to lose weight.
And this is exactly how i’m feeling.Holy shit, I am so incredibly unhappy with my body it’s not even funny. (Not that it would be funny in the first place). I love food way to much to give anything up, and I know you don’t have to give up kinds of food, it’s how you eat it. But god, it’s so hard and to make it worse, i’m an emotional eater. So really i’m in a lose-lose situation. I’m the fattest i’ve ever been and i’m so conscious of my body I feel people are constantly starring at me.
I’m scared if I get obsessed about my weight, i’ll end up with an eating disorder because it scarily runs in the family, my family is far to obsessed with their weight. I’ve been bought up never to able to eat junk food which is why i probably crave it now, living in Melbourne with no one to tell me what to do. Cool. I don’t know what to do and how to deal with it.
Lametown. To make it worse, i’ve got my period, so clearly i’m over thinking everything and everything seems 10X worse than it actually is. But seriously, i’m serious. Serious serious serious. I don’t what the cunting cunt to do.
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Rant.
Ok, so I need to have a rant and I know the people I want to read this won’t, for the pure fact that they don’t have tumblr. Plus, I don’t want to be that forward about it, because me and confrontation do not mix well, which sucks. But it’s me.
I’ve changed and I know I have. Not in a bad way, however, some people may think I have. I have changed in a way where I have grown up and matured, however I am still have the same bubbly personality that I always have been and this is where the problem begins.
I have changed because I met my boyfriend and yes I am not denying that. People may say i’ve become whipped, and yeah, that’s true but it’s only because they may not know what it is like to be in a relationship and if they do, their boyfriend/girlfriend is in the group of friends, or people have made the effort to get to know the partner, or don’t know how to handle me in a relationship, if that makes any sense.
I do not go out and get drunk till i’m blind anymore, which is where I usually saw/see all these people in the first place. This is obviously been why I hardly see any of these people now, and for the reason people just seem to neglect the fact of inviting me, or just forget to.
It sucks because I really value those few friendships that grew since I moved to Melbourne, and no one seems to make the effort for me anymore. Some might say “Why don’t you make the effort?” I’ve tried. And nothing ever comes from it. So, I don’t.
When we first started dating in September last year, I would bring him along to events, but frankly, no one made the effort and it was just awkward and it’s gotten to the point where it is becoming awkward with certain friends now, and I have absolutely no idea why. I hate it.
I have more interests now and this is because i’m finally finding myself (and I know it seems all movie-like and corny, but it’s true). My interests may not coincide with others interests anymore, but that still doesn’t change the past we’ve had, the times we’ve shared and the laughs we’ve certainly most enjoyed.
Yes, I spend a lot of time with him and yes, you might - think - that is all I do. But it’s not. If there is something on, TELL ME and I will make the effort to come along to gatherings.
I understand how they may be feeling, maybe they feel like they’re losing a friend? I don’t know because no one seems to ever make the effort with me anymore, so i don’t know how they feel.
I have admitted that I have changed in a way and I have a sense that these friends now talk about me behind my back and discuss how boring/awkward/lame i’ve become. But it’s only because they haven’t made the effort with him, which leads to not making the effort with me. Get to know the changed Abby, I really am still the same old bubbly Abby, just in a different sense now. (That was kind of juxtaposing what I have said in this whole rant, but you get what i’m saying).Ugh, this is no rant of being angry or annoyed. Its disappointment. Disappointment in the fact that these friends, who I love to death are slowly drifting for reasons that can be fixed in a heartbeat. I don’t want this to make anyone feel bad, far from what I want. Its just, I want people to realise how i’m feeling and what I am now. A more mature form of my bubbly, out-going cheerful self. Thats all.
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my life in a nutshell.
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has lost close to 5kgs in the past week and a half and you can’t even tell cause i was so fat in the first place. dammit.
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(Source: y0freebs)
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The Language of Legs.
(Source: hollyhocksandtulips)
withband
About
theres a time and place for everything, think road trips & carefully curated mixtapes; walking the streets at near mid night, & song you just can't skip on your daily run, but does every fucking city have to be the same?
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